Q&A: Dating an Unbeliever

by Aaron

I would like to know your thoughts on a believer dating an unbeliever. I've talked to several people of faith, and been looking through scripture, and cannot find anything concrete. Please give me your honest opinion about this.

When you say "people of faith" I am taking that to mean "Christians," there are a lot of "people of faith" of different "faiths" who would disagree with what I'm about to say to you…or ask you, because my first thing is a question (or two).
 
What is the purpose of dating? Is it just to have fun or are you actually looking for something more serious?
 
The reason I ask you those questions is I believe a Christian should date different than everyone else, as everything we do should be for a purpose. If you want to date someone because you like them and you could see it going further, then the question of faith is of utmost importance. I am constantly asking men and women both if the person they are dating is who they want raising their children.
 
Since you are a guy, do you really want a non-Christian woman raising your kids and leading them into what is important? Do you really think faith and trust in Jesus is so little a thing that it doesn't matter? I believe Christians do a disservice to non-Christians when they date them because they act like their faith is not a big deal…like it really doesn't count (until after marriage). This is one of the problems with believers today, they don't think it is important to live with Christ on display in all things.
 
You know what you get when you date a non-Christian, nothing they do should surprise you, but when a non-Christian dates a believer, they really have no idea what they are getting. After a ring and an "I do" a believer turns into a whole other person because NOW they want the other person to start living a faith they have never professed. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul has been answering a few questions when he says these words "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"
 
That verse has many connotations, but I think one we can pull from it is that you have no business dating someone who doesn't believe, it is unfair to them, to you, and any legacy you hope to leave behind you. You are not better than her, your life's priorities are simply different.

The ESV study bible has a great note about the above verse...I have paraphrased it for you here. The image of being unequally yoked is a term from agriculture where you would have two animals unsuited to work together (like a dog and a cat on a bob sled team…it would just be havoc). They will consistently be pulling and moving in opposing directions. Believers and unbelievers have different operating principles and aims. As we constantly point out, this does not mean we do not have any relationships with unbelievers (or else evangelism would be impossible), but we are not to be in partnerships that allow principles or practices contrary to Christ to control us.