Just Say No!

by Kelly Borjas

Many of us will remember the phrase from our younger years in the context of peer pressure and drugs, “just say no.” It was an important message then and I find it to be an increasingly important one now in my adult life, but for a different reason. This message in my adult life deals in the drug of busyness. If we are all honest, we would admit busyness can be a drug of its own, an enticing addiction that promises satisfaction and a marked achievement to be somebody. It’s even celebrated in our culture as a status marker and fulfilled life. How many times have we all rattled our to-do list of appointments, meetings, award ceremonies, sports games, get-togethers, and schedules in an attempt to impress another person with all we can juggle and handle? With all that’s demanded of us? But when we come to the bottom of busyness, after the hype has worn off, we find ourselves ultimately left unsatisfied, searching for fulfillment.

A few years ago my family lived in a large city where my husband commuted and we had no family support. We were busy all the time—friends, church, and out-of- town visitors. We were always striving for the next thing, even if it was a good thing, like volunteering at church. The fear of missing out drove the desire to say yes to everything, to fill the need to be busy. It’s a popular acronym—“FOMO” –but it was also a very real commentary on the state of our lives. If someone was getting together without us, we would drop everything to go, it didn’t matter what would be sacrificed because we didn’t want to miss out, even at the expense of my kids’ well-being, our finances, or even connection in our marriage.

After a convicting study on Sabbath Rest, my husband and I decided to implement Sabbath time in our own family. This was a tricky endeavor, as we were often at church for over half the day on Sundays. One Saturday we decided to refrain from any commitments, and just be together. As the four of us were eating ice cream together in a cocoon of our own that afternoon, we received an invitation to a BBQ/pool party with some friends. We wanted to go as a whole group of our friends would be there and it seemed like a perfect opportunity to spend time with everyone. We didn’t want to miss out. Yet, we made this commitment to ourselves. So we just said no, and it was so difficult.

We learned something that afternoon: saying no to that event didn’t mean we lost our friends. We had other pool parties with that same group of friends and life moved on. The irony, and lesson we learned, was that we could miss out and still be friends, still have a place to belong, and still connect with people. We didn’t have to say yes to everything. It was so freeing to say no because our worth wasn’t based on that one event. In fact, our relationships probably grew deeper and more secure, as we realized we didn’t have to strive so hard to belong. Our friends accepted us without demanding we attend every event.

That night was a turning point toward freedom—a realization that creating margin in our lives brought a breath of fresh air, connection, and health for our family. It enabled us to move toward each other in a thriving marriage, with intentional time spent together. There was space to breathe and rest for our souls.

A couple years later, we moved to Santa Maria. As this last year has transpired, I see the old habits creeping in and taking hold. I again find the desire to be included as I seek to re-establish myself and my family in new social circles. We’ve had weekends where we end Sunday and exhale, only to realize we never sat together, never talked about God, never let truth saturate our hearts, and never paused. We just survived the crazy, busy schedule of the weekend, only to feel burned out by the time it was over.

I’m realizing intentionality is the gateway to margin. God, after creating the entire world, rested on the seventh day. In fact, as I read through Leviticus recently, I learned God even gave the land a Sabbath rest. He intended for us to stop and rest and created this rhythm in our world. It is in the time of rest, the time without plans or agendas, that we can focus on who God is and what He has done. It’s in the time of just being that we can remember our identity is in Christ and who He says we are, not in our social status or the activities we do.

I’ve learned it’s in the quiet time when we are all able to let our guards down. It’s a time for my kids to recalibrate. It’s in that space when I’m able to parent efficiently because I’m not distracted by my to-do list or trying to keep my kids occupied so I can chat with my adult friends. We find laughter there, enjoying each other and the great gifts God has given us.

Creating margin is a practical necessity for my life—for my family’s life—at this stage. We need to make God the focus of our Sabbath rest, yet it will come with sacrifices. We may have to turn down invitations from friends, we may need to evaluate extra-curricular commitments, we may even miss out.

Now we are facing a new transition. We find ourselves absorbing more change and added pressure. I have had to go back to basics to create margin in my life and fight to maintain my priorities. I’ve had to just say no. I am a follower of Christ, a wife, and a mom in that order. I am currently in a season where margin is necessary for us to thrive. I want to be obedient to the relationships and people God has put in my life. However, if I am spread too thin, I am no longer effective in the ones that are non-negotiable: my husband and kids. I made a covenant commitment to my husband. If I am not carving out sacred space for our marriage to thrive, the impact spirals to all other areas of my life.

We need soul rest. While sometimes I am physically tired, often I find my weariness comes from the exhaustion of trying so hard to find my place in this world. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 (ESV), “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Rest for the soul. It’s a beautiful picture of peace and contentment. In this day of crazy schedules and juggling pressures from all sides, I am convinced the intentional creation of margin in our lives allows us the space to enjoy God and who He is and to discover who He says we are. A time of Sabbath creates time for soul rest, which spills into our entire lives, positively impacting those around us. If I, if we, can learn to just say no, we open the door to freedom, contentment, and rest for our souls.