What if Singleness is Your Normal? Part 3B
- by Holly DeKorte
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Proverbs 31:25
Editor’s note: Holly’s last blog ended up being long enough that we broke it into 2 weeks. You can find the first half of this BLOG HERE.) Holly has been sharing her story of singleness with the hope it will encourage God’s people to love and value countercultural singles in a tangible way. If you missed Aaron message you can find it HERE. Now, on to the last blog in this series.
6. Do life with God- that means in a Gospel Centered community.
This is the point where I could be called many things including (but not limited to): bitter, cynical, judgmental, critical, and unforgiving. These are attitudes of my heart that I know can be dark and sinful. Yet, I want to tell the truth out of love.
Do you know where, as a single, I have felt the most pain and heartache? It hasn’t been with my family or at work. It hasn’t been with my friends, enjoying their company. It has been at Element and Element functions But, but, but...we’re Element! We do church “differently”; we’re not like those “other” churches! In my experience, there is sometimes a glass wall that separates singles from those who are married. The glass wall is not always present, but do I run into it at Element and it hurts. Debating who is responsible for the wall does not help us to actually break it down. Ephesians 4:13-16 shows us a picture of how the Church should be: joined with our head (Christ) and held together through Him. Glass walls should not exist at all.
It is rather easy to be unseen or overlooked as a single in any church. Programs catering to families and children are often the norm. We, at Element, pride ourselves on the fact that our church has Gospel Community (GC), not programs. You are supposed to be seen and known in GC. This has been my experience, to a certain extent. Here’s a question for you, though… What do you do if there is a single in another GC who is at your church? Do you think to yourself, “Oh, he is someone else’s responsibility,” or do you think, “What could I do to get to know that individual?” My point is Element is the Body of Christ. We, not only our GCs, are supposed to be a family. Look beyond your Gospel Community! See others who happen to be in your view. Engage them in conversation. You might even find yourself a new swimming buddy.
Oftentimes, singles are the ones initiating friendships. My most valued relationships at Element are definitely reciprocated. Many include walks, talks, beach trips, pool trips, kids’ soccer games, and wine nights. I am grateful for these friendships and by no means want to minimize them. However, more can be done. Random text messages are gifts. It means someone is thinking of me. In a world where I have not met the “one” on whose mind I’ll always be, this is encouraging. I am a busy person, but I do have flexibility in my schedule. Sunday afternoon is an especially vulnerable time for me, as I imagine weekends may be for other singles. Usually my grocery shopping is done, I’ve spent time with my family, the papers are graded, the chores are completed, and then I am alone. If you get a text from me on Sunday, it is me literally crying out for company. On my end, I need to be better about planning dinners with people. What could you do on your end? It’s something I challenge you to prayerfully consider.